What's Wrong with the World?; What's Wrong with Me?

"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." -John 12:25

I don't know everything, but I think I can assume correctly that none of us have any significant addictions. My parents and everyone else can sigh with relief as I say loud and proud--no, I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol. However, I find that I am addicted to something probably even worse than those:

Myself.

There's always one main thing I learn from our reading. When we were in Proverbs, the big thing that stuck out to me was wisdom. Now in John, I think what I'm learning the most is humility and denying myself. For so long, it seems like I've been so into myself lately. Sometimes, instead of praying for an array of things such as my family, church, etc., I fill the entire prayer crying out for myself, saying, "Why does life have to be so difficult? Why can't I have more good friends (I am so thankful for Grace; why can't there be more people like her??)? Why can't I write any good music or play my instruments well enough? Why does so-and-so have to be in the government? Why doesn't the world understand?" I know my problems are probably not like other peoples' problems, but everyone has their own. I understand David cried out to God as well, and there is nothing wrong with praying for yourself and venting out frustration to God. However, it does become a problem when you begin to focus only on your problems. Here is my main problem: what is wrong with the world?

It was during my Bible class when I began to see that it wasn't the world that was the problem; it was me. The Bible teacher on my DVD stated that self-pity is selfish. It's selfish to always be concerned about yourself. Jesus was the ultimate of example of denying self. Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, entered the world, not in a glittering carriage or limousine, but in a dirty manger, born to average, unknown parents whom He created yet had to obey even though he could easily wipe them off the face of the earth. He was rejected in his hometown, most people only loved Him because He could heal, and on the night He was arrested, a time when He was going through unbearable anguish, He prayed in the garden--alone, while His disciples slept on. Jesus never focused on Himself, only on His Father, on others--on us.

Now the problem changes: it's not "what's wrong with the world?"; it's "what's wrong with me?" Perhaps, rather than focusing on myself and how others can change for me, I should focus on others and how I can change for them. We are to be like Jesus. If Jesus was a servant, then I should be a servant as well. Instead of waiting for people to give to me, I will give to them first. The best way to escape the valley is to climb the mountains beside. It's not easy, but it's better.

"When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself, and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least:

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee,--and then my state

Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings"

- William Shakespeare ("Sonnet 29")